Halloween- the Rattler Way

By Jackson Hermes

With Halloween right around the corner, it’s important to know what you’re doing for the big night. With parties to attend and costumes to choose, the weeks leading up to the 31st can be stressful, but we at the Rattler have come to your rescue. Without further ado, here are some of the best Halloween planning tips on this side of the Mississippi.

The first thing that anyone needs for a successful Halloween is a costume. While important, the key to a good costume is to not overdo it! Some of our personal favorite ideas for this year include Tom Holland (the buzz cut is the next big thing) and Bernie Sanders. Complete the look by going to your nearest cardiologist and getting a pacemaker implanted into your body. Your heart will never thank you enough, because it’s too busy literally being forced to work.

If you want to go costumed as a group this year, it’s especially important to coordinate with your friends on costume ideas. Some of the most successful costume combinations I’ve found include the Founding Fathers minus Thomas Jefferson because the Louisiana Purchase was the biggest mistake the US ever made, and Pac-Man and his ghosts as a reminder to everyone that the existential, ever-present threat of inevitable death is always getting closer.

If you plan on hosting a party this year, then you’ve gotta be certain to spiff up the house as much as possible with seasonal paraphernalia. The classics can all be found on Amazon, but I’ve found in my years of experience that Craigslist is the way to go for many party hosts. The physical embodiment of Death and the Plague are both offering their services for just $30 an hour (and the Plague even knows card tricks!), which is a steal for anyone looking to spice up the party with a little wholesome suffering.

We at the Rattler wish you the utmost success with Halloween this year, whatever that may mean. Stay safe, and have fun!

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